


With You 'Til The End Of The Line

by CassieWritesDestiel



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Bucky Barnes Has Nightmares, Bucky Barnes's Trigger Words, Canon Related, Canon Universe, Canon-Typical Violence, Character Study, Feels, Fluffy Ending, I'm Bad At Summaries, M/M, Made For Each Other, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, Past Brainwashing, Steve and Bucky have their own apartment, Stucky - Freeform, The Winter Soldier - Freeform, Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes, two sides of the same coin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-02
Updated: 2018-08-02
Packaged: 2019-06-20 18:15:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15540105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CassieWritesDestiel/pseuds/CassieWritesDestiel
Summary: Steve and Bucky moved in together, the war and the fighting is over and everything should be fine, but still Bucky is haunted by the words and fighting against the Winter Soldier, except he isn't alone in this battle anymore.





	With You 'Til The End Of The Line

Bucky’s dreams were dark red. They consisted of the faces and screams of his victims, the ones he killed and tortured as the Winter Soldier, the ones that would never leave him and forever haunt him. ‘You didn’t have a choice,’ Steve would say now, but why was it that he felt so incredibly guilty for every single one of them? Because he had watched his own hands do this, had been there on every mission, had been a weapon and a tool for HYDRA. He never wanted this.

A face looked up at him, beaten bloody and broken, silently pleading for him not to do this. ‘Please,’ the victim screamed at him, but the man in front of him didn’t move his mouth. ‘Please, you don’t need to do this! Please don’t do this! Please, let me live!” he started to cry now and for a moment Bucky didn’t know whether the sobs were his own or those of the man in front of him, but then his left hand reached forward and wrapped around the man’s throat, the metal shimmering bright in the dark as the man struggled and eventually went still and sagged together. Bucky’s face reflected in the blood on the floor was cold and emotionless, he didn’t recognize himself but yet he did and it scared him to death. The man’s pleading echoed in his head and around in the dark room, calling out for help, for anyone, but there was nobody, only the Winter Soldier and some corpses. No witnesses left.

The resonating sound came back with other words, only whispers now, but he would recognize those words everywhere, they were engraved in his being and he could never wipe them out, however hard he tried. ‘Желание,’ a voice whispered far away and Bucky screamed. _Longing,_ a word describing a strong, persistent desire or craving, especially for something unattainable or distant. Another figure surfaced in the dark, a face just all too familiar, the one who had been in his dreams over all those years, the dreams he never remembered once he woke up. Steve, the friend he missed, the friend he found again or rather who had found him again, the first one who had ever managed to break through the wall of his prison cell he was hiding in all those years, the room his emotions and memories went to when the Winter Soldier took control. He could still watch him, but only as a passenger, and it took Steve to show up and be too stubborn to fight him to enable him to shove the Winter Soldier away and take over his own mind again. It was hilarious: This man, who never knew when to stop, who always stood up again to get beaten up again, who _could do this all day_ , who was too stubborn to run away from a fight all his life wouldn’t defend himself in the face of the Winter Soldier, because he didn’t want to fight his friend.

‘Ржавый,’ the voice whispered the next of these damn words and Bucky flinched. A memory surfaced, Steve, beaten bloodied underneath him and it were his hands that did this. He was his mission, someone reminded him, but Bucky wouldn’t listen. Steve was the mission that would forever be unfinished and he liked to keep it that way. The voice now listed the remaining words, all the way it got louder, _closer_ to him, and it didn’t take long breaks between the words anymore as if it could feel how Bucky fought. He was sure there were hot tears running down his cheeks now, but he couldn’t escape the cold wind from within, the winter that crept in on him and slowly swallowed him whole.

Bucky jolted awake, heavily breathing and with tears staining his face, the words still echoing in his brain. He glanced to his right to assure himself that Steve was alright, his beaten up face was still all too vivid in his mind. His best friend and now boyfriend, as he had the luck to call him, was there, sound asleep and alright, a slight smile on his lips, vulnerable in the presence of the Winter Soldier. Bucky was still fighting the words, but he couldn’t withhold them much longer, they were slowly winning and setting free another version of him, one he wished would’ve never been created. He climbed out of bed carefully so he wouldn’t wake Steve and threw on some clothes to keep his shivering body warm.

Bucky looked at Steve and watched him sleep for a moment, but there was a filter over his eyes, already calculating his best chances in killing him and getting away, completing his mission. He tore his eyes away from the sleeping figure and opened the window, jumping onto the windowsill and remaining there for a moment. With a last glance at Steve, the Winter Soldier disappeared in the night.

~~

Steve was awoken by a freezing wind blowing through the room and curving the curtain with a flutter away from the darkness outside. He sat up and looked around, all the while blinking the sleep out of his eyes. The space next to him was empty and the icy fist of fear clutched his heart as he processed that Bucky was away and the window definitely hadn’t been open when they went to sleep. Realization slowly poured into his consciousness that this was one of _those_ nights, in which Bucky woke up with the words loudly echoing and pounding in his head and he decided to leave Steve’s side, to escape the warmth of their apartment and flee from the one thing that could help him.

One time, Steve had asked him why he left. “To keep you save,” Bucky had answered, and Steve had only frowned. He didn’t need to protect him anymore, Steve wasn’t a kid anymore, he could very well defend himself. But maybe with Bucky he was, because with Bucky Steve felt like a 16 year old kid in Brooklyn again, he felt so much more alive around him, like no time had passed when in reality so much had happened.

Steve knew that the words activated the Winter Soldier, who was still sleeping within Bucky, but ever since Steve found out who the face behind the Winter Soldier was, he didn’t see the killer machine anymore, he saw past the mask, he saw the boy underneath the brainwashed assassin, he saw his best friend Bucky, and with Bucky he’d never needed his guard up. Maybe that’s why he always left, because Steve doesn’t see the Winter Soldier, he sees James Buchanan Barnes, and that’s all he’ll ever see.

He climbed out of the bed, went to the closet and pulled out a simple jeans and a shirt, nothing too fancy. As he went to grab his jacket, he played with the thought of calling Natasha, she’d helped him before when Bucky went out and after she tended his wounds the last time he kind of promised her to call when it happened again. Steve knew that there was little Nat could actually do here, but he decided to not break the promise and give her a quick call just to inform her about the situation.

His phone read 5:36 am as he turned it on and blinked against the blinding light the screen gave of. He dialed and it rang twice before the master assassin picked up with a “Hey, Steve.” Nat didn’t sound tired in the least, not that it actually surprised Steve. “What is it?” she asked after Steve greeted her back.

“It’s Bucky,” he hesitantly answered, giving no further explanation.

“He’s out again?” Nat inquired to clarify the situation and Steve nodded before he realized she couldn’t see him.

“Yes,” he quickly answered.

Steve looked up as the he noticed how the darkness outside wasn’t all that dark anymore, the first grey of the morning already lighted up the black sky, an early announcement of the coming sunrise. He had a feeling he knew where Bucky was at that time, he had found him there before at sunrise, chances were high that he’d find him there again.

“Okay, I’ll be there in five, don’t do anything stupid,” Natasha told him, but Steve was already on his way to the exit of the building.

Nat met him on the street, murmuring something under her breath. “Where are we going?” she asked as she was done complaining and Steve pointed at the highest building around.

“There”

~~

They climbed the last steps up to the roof, at least the building had an elevator, but it naturally didn’t go all the way up. When they opened the door and stepped onto the roof, Steve’s eye immediately found a figure standing there at the edge, like his eyes were drawn to him. They carefully stepped closer and mustered the Winter Soldier, who watched over the streets with cold, sharp eyes, the eyes of a hunter, all the same looking like he was their dark guardian, illuminated by the red and orange colors of the sunrise, like a fire behind him, only that sunrise signalizes the start of a new day and a new begin, but fire often means destruction and death.

“Bucky?” Steve asked and he turned around, but there was no recognition in his eyes and Steve’s heart shattered to pieces as he realized how far his friend was gone.

The Winter Soldier now walked towards them with confident steps, rolling his metal arm to get it ready. He aimed his first punch at Steve who was frozen with the shock of his realization, but before his fist hit him, Nat threw herself in, a living shield for as long as Cap needed to get himself together again. It didn’t take long until his battle instincts set in and he caught the Winter Soldier’s arm before it could collide with Natasha another time, turning him around to face Steve. But as he fought Bucky, he didn’t hit as hard as he should and he only protected himself when it was absolutely necessary. Nat sighed. “You fight like a girl,” she told him before her feet met the Soldier’s face with a well-aimed jump and made him fall to the ground. Steve rolled his eyes at her joke and dodged Bucky’s foot, which recovered from the unexpected non-impact pretty fast and swung around to help him stand up in one swift motion. He went after Natasha then and caught her unlucky, wrapped his metal fist around her throat and knocked her against the stone floor. Steve tried to hold him back, he had his arm pressed around his throat from behind, but Nat was already unconscious, leaving only Steve in the face of their enemy yet friend, and once again, Steve wouldn’t fight Bucky. The Winter Soldier turned around within his arms and one small kick against the back of his knee sent the Captain to the ground. His head hit the ground as Bucky towered over him, his fist hovering in the air, ready to crash into Steve’s face.

“Bucky,” Steve tried again, and the Winter Soldier hesitated. “Stop!”

Bucky looked at him through the eyes of the brainwashed killer and something wasn’t quite right. Something about this man resonated deep within him, and it had done this before, on a bombed helicarrier that was about to crash into a river.

“I’m not gonna fight you, Buck,” he told him, and the Winter Soldier was terrified as he slowly recognized this face, as he turned from his mission back into his boyfriend, as he managed to slip past his defenses and allowed Bucky to take control again. He screamed to fight him off inside his mind, but he knew it was a lost battle.

“’Cause I’m with you ‘til the end of the line” There they were, the words that blew all the walls away the Winter Soldier had built to protect himself and keep his judgement clean in order of perfectly completing a mission. Bucky surfaced again and this time he stayed there, packing the Winter Soldier back into the depths of his mind and locking him behind a door.

“Steve?” he asked as he became aware of his surroundings and the situation they were in.

“Hey, Buck,” Steve answered with a slight smile and reached up to cup Bucky’s cheek with his soft hand.

Natasha groaned at the pain pulsing through her head and affecting her whole body, but still she had to make sure that her friends were safe, so she slowly opened her eyes and blinked against the blinding sunrise light, which wasn't all that bright yet but still hurt her eyes in the first moments. She sighed as she found Steve underneath the Soldier and was ready to get up again and help him out of his misery as she realized that they were talking. She relaxed and watched them, but as Steve leaned up to kiss Bucky she cleared her throat. “Well, aren't you two cute?“ she called over to them and Steve chuckled and looked over to her. He gave Bucky some heart-eyes, which they really overdid sometimes, before he gently pushed Bucky from him and stood up. They went home and Nat helped them clean up their wounds, and they cared for hers.

“Why don’t you give up on me?” Bucky asked as Steve gently cleaned a little cut next to Bucky’s eye and as Steve looked up and their eyes locked there were a thousand words in his expression to answer this. Steve would never think of giving up on him, because he had once before given up on him when everyone thought he was dead, and it had only brought harm to them.

He’d never give up on him because this was Bucky, his best friend and boyfriend now, and he was so much more than that. Bucky had always been by his side while they grew up, had been there for him without any objection and stayed with him through thick and thin. Steve never knew what Buck saw in him, what made him decide to stay, but it must’ve been something special, something nobody else saw. Bucky was his childhood in-between wars, and he’d been his lifeline during the rough winters, when the dry winter air clutched on his lungs and made him cough through whole nights and it wasn’t sure whether he’d see the next morning. Bucky had been there whenever someone beat him up, and he was his role model when he got into the army first even though Steve had tried everything to get there. He never knew how scared Bucky was to leave him behind to go to war, but he had hid this fear because in this moment, Steve looked up to him.

Steve didn’t give up on Bucky because without Bucky there’d be no Steve and without Steve there’d be no Bucky as Steve was the one who brought him back. They’re like two sides of the same coin, destined for each other.

“Even when I had nothing, you were there,” Steve answered and put everything into those simple words, but Bucky understood.

 


End file.
